Courage - My Biggest Problem

I think the biggest reason why I've allowed myself to settle into mediocrity is because I'm so scared of everything. I'm scared of what people think of me, mostly, but I'm also scared of heights, my mother, my love life failing, my daughter turning out bad, being broke, or taking any sort of positive risk really. There are all kinds of reasons why I can't take good jobs, too. I don't have transportation, I don't have a degree, I don't have the right skills, I haven't learned one piece of software that they want me to learn.

Mostly those are rationalizations more than reasons though. I'm too afraid to apply for jobs that I'm not the perfect candidate for because of my fear of rejection. Even if I do apply, I'm too afraid to call them back and check in on them. Historically, I've done the best in my job search when I call people back. But even that factual evidence isn't enough for me to continue doing it. My fear still paralyzes me, contrary to reality.

And that fear of rejection, fear of someone being disappointed in me, is the one reason why I don't have a good job right now. Or any job actually. On top of it, I know for a fact it's possible for me to make money with this blog (or any number of other online business ideas I have in my head - including the aforementioned "Idea Number Seven"), but I'm too afraid that I'll put in all this work and then it won't work out for me. So all these cool ideas are planted in my head, and I might start them off, but I don't follow through enough for my work up to that point to be worth anything. I may as well not be pursuing these things at all.

So, today I'm calling back the jobs I applied for last friday, and I'm going to set this blog up so it can be my job. I'm not going to be afraid. Honestly, what's the worst that could happen? Especially if I follow through. It's more likely to work out if I stop being afraid, so then, I have nothing to really be afraid of, do I?