To Describe the Mood I'm In Right Now

Now's a good time to blog, because I'm in "the bad mood". This is the mood that, despite the upbeat nature of most of my posts, really is most prevalent in my life. I have alot to do, but I'm bored. I'm depressed about being so broke. I don't want to do ANYTHING except sit around and do nothing. Even doing nothing seems like too much for me right now. (The fact that I'm blogging is a wonder.)

I hate this mood, and it comes at random. And I have no idea how to get rid of it. ...Okay, that's a lie. I know how to get rid of it. Imagine that my life is perfect for 20 minutes (something I read at stevepavlina.com). But I am so depressed and dumpy right now that I don't even feel like doing that.

I guess it's laziness, but usually laziness is way more fun and involves TV watching and eating snacks that are bad for me. I don't feel like doing ANYTHING.

"The bad mood" is the reason my time is usually squandered. I surf forums & blogs. I play online games at places like MSN, working for the next Mastery Level badge like a complete moron. I'm wasting time, distracting myself from anything important.

And somehow I feel I have the right to get mad at my boyfriend for playing World of Warcraft all day & not finding a job. Like I'm so wonderful that I don't waste my time like that. What a load of crap.

Why is it that I was once so upbeat, productive (compared to now, anyway), and friendly? Why now do I have NO friends, no drive, no ambition, and no cheerfulness? Why have I decided that these things are unattainable, when I clearly had them in the past (when I was younger, more naive, and far less experienced)?

The facts are, I'm broke, and I know what I want to be when I grow up but I can't figure out how to get there without robbing a bank, basically. And I have a little girl to take care of. So it's hard to cheer myself up & get moving when these moods come. I can't look at the facts and say "well, at least i'm not totally broke!" because I am. I can't say "well, at least we have our health!" cuz we don't. I can't say "at least this thing/that thing/the other thing is taken care of" cuz nothing is.

It's hard to be cheerful when your life really is depressing. I don't have a whole lot of positive reinforcement, you know? I do well if action is rewarded, and it seems like none of my actions are, at least not immediately enough for it to have any effect on me psychologically or emotionally.

Any ideas? How do I cheer myself up & get out of this funk? What in my life could be good that I can look at & say "hey, that's good, I can be happy about that"?

Ugh. I'm gonna go watch TV and eat something unhealthy and see if it cheers me up.