The Zero Hit Story

In celebration of my 50th post on this silly blog, the follwing is inspired by the December 3, 2008 entry at blag.xkcd.com, and is made entirely of phrases that yielded zero hits on google. A big "darn it" goes to Avish and Isaleen who had this idea first but I hadn't read the comments that far down before writing a bunch of this stuff. Enjoy!

I just did something vaguely unethical... I put this on the internet first. It's only a matter of time before this shows up on google. (There are no results for this string).

Perhaps I have more important things to be doing right now, but the world needs a bit more whimsy. Ominous fluffy kittens pardon my 1337 5p33k.

I have not had intercourse with your mom. Thermite your mom. I am turned on by smelly toes. Your mom was never good. She smelled like a Star Trek convention - there was no deodorant to be had. Her nudity was terrifying. (It turned out her bottom half was a robot.)

Black hat man is sexy, so I wrote his brain a love note. Minesweeper erotica sex is better than vista... I can't feel my forehead! My cerebrum is exploding! You spilled my calculus! (Search your database, you know it to be true.)

Rented cashews blown to velociraptors and lollipops... I'm totally a velociraptor. Velociraptors can swim faster than Michael Phelps! Let me touch your raptors - I kissed a velociraptor and liked it. Will velociraptors give you up? Will velociraptors let you down? Summer Glau ate my velociraptor, "Velociraptors ate my homework. I can't believe I ate the whole velociraptor." Summer Glau is the new president - raccoon in chief, with a velociraptor trebuchet. Smash, crash, you're dead.

Is that a DNA sequencer in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? (I met my husband on 4chan.) Erotic Feynman diagrams, which is exactly what I expected a female borg to do.

Spockagram!! Barack Obama is Stephen Colbert! Is Obama from space? Obama might be from space. Unlike normal furries, Obama is a Dalek. Obama is a raptor!!!! No McCain left behind.

My girlfriend plays too many video games. I would have fallen in love with you if you hadn't jumped out the window. Did you defenestrate my vodka? Unleash the stickmen!! I miss my gangrene republican flavored soda.

The babel fish ate a violin. Let them eat whatever they'll make themselves. (Make ice cream, not frozen custard.)

Luke, I am your third grade teacher. There is no meat skewer.

XKCD sucks. xkcd is funnier than me.

That's when I hit the grizzly... and thus ended the reign of google.